Have you ever prayed for something and it didn’t happen? What emotion did you feel? If you are honest or in touch with your feelings, you probably felt sadness or even some anger. There is a category of Psalms called Lament Psalms – 44, 60, 74, 79, 80, 85. They are Psalms of sadness and sometimes anger. God teaches us how to process our emotions honestly. He can handle our painfully honest emotions and prayers.
I have great sadness around this month’s MRI. It showed growth that confused our treatment team. The MRI results were not conclusive.
There was some growth but our team couldn’t tell if it was what is called “treatment” growth (growth as a result of radiation and chemotherapy). There is also a thing called pseudo growth which means it is not real tumor growth. My oncologist called together the Tumor Board at Mayo which included other oncologists, radiologists, and neurosurgeons to evaluate just what they thought this MRI revealed.
They concluded it is highly likely that I will need a 2nd surgery to better determine the exact state of my tumor and to clean things up. I was hoping and praying that God would clean things up with a miracle. I found out that a second surgery was always in the cards from the beginning. I will need to be awake in surgery to ensure that surgeons are not cutting into the good stuff that would cause motor function impairment. They will be aggressively cutting away tumor that could grow and put pressure on my brain and create all sorts of bad side-effects like headaches, seizures and so on. For that reason, I will be awake to give them immediate feedback as they cut into the tumor that is located very near a main artery in my brain. Doing further study of my tumor would be helpful in receiving further treatment, and I would also qualify for some clinical trials based on a second surgery. I would qualify for a new immunotherapy trial that my genetic markers and the 2nd surgery makes possible.
You now know as much as I know. If you are a little confused, then join the club.
I will start the next cycle of chemo this month (March) and we will do another MRI in April to see if the chemo has shrunk the tumor any before doing the surgery. Then around the first weeks of April, I will have another brain surgery. Not what we hoped for or prayed for but as a good friend of mine who is a doctor reminded me, years ago when you receive the diagnosis of Glioblastoma, they sent you home to die. Now, there is so much more that the medical community can do, as you can see from this update.
Pray that God would give our family and our doctors continued wisdom and discernment. Continue to pray for a miracle through the doctors or through faithful Father. We’ll take one or even both. I just want to live to continue to share the truths of God’s Word and take care of my children and my beautiful wife, Baby Luv.
Sincerely,
John